metanoia
A New Way of Seeing
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I came to the conclusion that the most significant takeaway from my international practicum is this: Do not be afraid to integrate yourself into spaces where you once thought you did not belong. These experiences may make you feel as though you have lost the version of yourself that was once capable. In reality, however, it is simply a sign that you have entered a bigger space—one that requires you to become a beginner again.
The SEAMEO SEA Teachers Exchange Program is a quintessential example of this kind of opportunity. Before this, I was like a fish in a small pond—coming from a humble community college in the northern part of the Camarines island, Philippines. The international stage, much like how a fish might perceive the ocean, felt overwhelming. Yet, if you think about it, that fish feels overwhelmed not because it is incapable. It has always known how to swim. In fact, it has developed strategies for survival over time. The difference is simply that it has entered a much bigger space. It is important to understand that one’s capability does not diminish in the face of unfamiliarity. Rather, unfamiliarity reveals how much more there is to learn and how much room there is to grow.
During the tedious process of completing my portfolio, I often thought of my table in the MAN 1 faculty office. It reminded me that there is a seat waiting for you at tables you have not yet seen. Sometimes, doors open even when you did not knock, and there are rooms where you belong—even if you have never dreamed of them yet. Due to this, I made a promise to myself: I will always unapologetically claim my place. I belong in every room I step into, and I am always capable of greatness. I have the right to be part of future conversations and spaces. As one Indonesian saying goes, “Masa depan adalah milik kita” (The future belongs to us).
That said, the ocean is still an ocean. I would not have been able to enter this vast space without my sending institution, Camarines Norte State College; my host institution, Universitas Halu Oleo; and my practicum school, Madrasah Aliyah Negeri 1 Kota Kendari.
fragments of metanoia captured in man 1
These are the still frames of metanoia,
captured between who I once was
and who I am still becoming.
MJ proudly taking a photograph of me by the faculty office entrance on our first day of observation, like a mother taking a picture of her child on their first day of kindergarten: “Anak, tayo ka diyan, picturan kita!” (“My child, stand there—I’ll take a picture of you.”)
Smiling during the game of Mafia because I successfully survived four rounds as the designated “killer” without the villagers suspecting me, overturning the accusations of the village doctor and police.
Visiting the campus canteen and trying bakso for the first time with Amin, Kiara, and Rana—imagine street food or tuhog-tuhog, but served in soup!
Taken after I cried upon hearing Ms. Arsi, the librarian, perform her cover of Morissette’s Akin Ka Na Lang as a way of welcoming us to MAN 1.
Attending Friday night badminton, barely containing my competitive nature while playing with and sometimes against the school’s faculty members.
Visiting the MTQ Monument during the anniversary of Kendari’s foundation with Ms. Zia, Ms. Astrid, and Rana.
My last selfie with my teaching internship class, Kelas 11 Expensive (5). From "Sampai jumpa besok!" or "See you tomorrow!" to "Selamat tinggal" or "Goodbye!"
A studio portrait taken with our cooperating teachers—Ms. Zia, Ms. Dia, Ms. Astrid, and of course, my very own Mrs. Rizka. The feeling is similar to having a second mother and three new sisters.
The first class where I introduced myself in Bahasa Indonesia—the very first “Senang bertemu kalian semua!” (“It’s nice to meet all of you!”)
Attending the weekly Friday meetings of MAN 1’s English Club, serving as one of its co-advisers under Ms. Fauzia.
Meeting the headmaster, Mr. La Tangkalalo, and conversing with him about the school’s vision and mission.
Properly meeting our assigned student translators from the English Club. A special shout out to Amin, Adis, Yusuf, Rana, Kiara, and Aliyah!
Meeting our coachees for the upcoming national quiz bowls and Olympiads.
Coaching Adis, Aliyah, and Kiara for their debate competition in the Australian Parliamentary format. I especially coached Adis, as my background in debate aligns closely with the role of the Opposition Whip.
Properly saying “Sampai kita bertemu lagi” (“Until we meet again”) to MAN 1.
fragments of metanoia captured in uho
These are the still frames of metanoia,
captured between who I once was
and who I am still becoming.
Another “Anak, tayo ka diyan, picturan kita” moment, but this time with Ferin. Dare I say, UHO has the most unique logo I have ever seen.
Posing with the Faculty Dean, Dr. Damhuri, by the entrance of the Faculty of Teacher Training and Education.
Being visited by members of UHO’s Bahasa Inggris Club and hosting their regular meeting in our dorm. We shared the practices that helped us become well-versed in speaking English and conversed about anything under the sun.
A selfie taken with UHO’s Acting Rector, Dr. Herman, S.H., LL.M., after the Halal bi Halal.
Our last day in Kendari with Mama Ade and our beloved “lolo” figure, Vice Dean Dr. Syahbudin.
Delivering my final speech during the closing ceremony.
Accepting my certificate of completion for the SEA Teacher Project Batch 11.
With Takim, my Indonesian best friend, who somehow also sees the significance of studying highly theoretical physics concepts. Terima kasih banyak for always being just one call away and for being my very own Einstein.
Attending a traditional Muna tribe wedding in the sweltering midday heat of Kendari.
Attending a Halal bi Halal, a traditional Islamic gathering held after Eid al-Fitr (Lebaran) to strengthen social bonds, and formally ask for and grant forgiveness.
The same faces, but this time in front of UHO’s Office of the Rector.
The very first picture the ten of us took inside the campus, still reeling from the huge tarpaulin bearing our faces.
Exploring the green spaces of UHO.
With Ferin, my Indonesian best friend, who perceives the world in the same warm yellow light. Terima kasih banyak for driving me around Kendari on your motorcycle, Kuro, and for sharing my love for photography and fashion.
Lunch with all the faculty members of UHO at Dr. Budhi’s home.
With Rendy, who is me but in a different body. Terima kasih banyak for letting me experience being cared for in the same way I care for others.
